Where's the cat?

I hate posts about people's dogs. (Yes, I know I've done this...) And greeting cards with dogs or cats on them...and omg, don't get me started on that whole "I can haz cheezburger" bull crap...I hate dogs and cats wearing clothes and all that stuff.

But this was funny.



I feel for the guy. I mean...what's up with having the kitty treats in the house if there's obviously no cat?

So...this doesn't make much sense

My husband spends approximately 22 hours a day on Ohio sports forums online...he's got updates sent to his phone, he knows the new basketball coach at your school weeks before it's been announced in your community, he knows coaching positions are open before the coach in question announces their retirement...it's a thing and 119/120 times, I hate it.

But sometimes, he mentions something that isn't necessarily sports related and I take notice.

Like tonight...he brought up this little gem involving our retarded governor. (My apologies to actual retarded people)

Apparently, Mr. Kasich has offered Bob Evans 8 million dollars to move their headquarters from New Albany, Ohio to Columbus. No jobs will be created, no gain for the state of Ohio...no idea why this is a good idea for the state or for tax payer money. But, hell, he's governor and he loves their coconut cream pie, I guess.

At least now I know where the $8million short fall from the state to the Princeton City Schools is going. That should help assuage the emotions of the teachers who found out they were cut today.

Yeah...that should help.

Happy Valentine's Day

I don't care how big the bouquet of flowers you got yesterday was...your man did nothing compared to this guy's work.

He's the bird you wish your man could be...

Damn...that's how you get a lady...

Um...what the heck?

So birds are dropping dead - midflight - from the sky in Arkansas. The reports state that there have been thousands of them. I know it's Arkansas and all, but I've visited the state and there's some really pretty country down there.

Early reports state that the birds died from blood clots due to a blunt trauma. Suggestions of heart attacks due to being struck by lightning, or "something like that." I know there were bad storms in Arkansas on New Year's Eve, but I'm not buying that. I don't have a viable solution, but I'm not buying lightning strikes so intense that the vacuum created was enough to kill thousands of birds at the exact same time the exact same way in the exact same place. I mean, I might by it, because I really don't know all that much about light waves and the energy created by a lightning strike and a scientist did say it.

But then it happened again in Louisiana like 3 days later!

In this instance, people walking down the street were getting hit in the head by the birds. The birds are dead or dying when they hit the ground...I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda freaked out.

Oh wait...maybe things will be okay. Mike Seaver says they will, anyway.

This is my dog...

Before the kids opened their presents, the dog was able to see what santa sent her. My husband put her bag under the tree along with all the other gifts from santa before we went to sleep Christmas Eve night. My dog was able to smell her gift of snausages immediately and wanted to open the gift right away.

We've got the indoor electric fence around the tree however and the bag was within the perimeter of the electric force field and the dog wasn't able to penetrate the barrier. She cried and whined and barked at the tree until we took her to bed.

Then she paced and paced Christmas Even night until we finally let her open the package Christmas morning...as you can see, she was pretty excited.

First Day of Break!

It's Christmas again and my kids are finally on break with me. I've been on break since Friday, but since the kiddos didn't go to school till after Labor Day and I've had kids in the classroom since August 16th, I got a few days to myself this week.

It was awesome. I got all the shopping and wrapping finished on Monday. I got a little alone time on Tuesday and Wednesday which was very enjoyable as well, went to lunch on Tuesday with a great friend...and now we're all home for a week and a half.

I've got lots planned for the break. The holidays - Friday and Saturday - are packed with fun. Cooking, fun with family - pics to come later - and presents! Going to hang with the coolest PHS alum to attempt trivia next week, dinner with an old friend on Tuesday, cleaning and organizing, a fun New Year's Eve party, making low fat soups so I drop a few pounds in the New Year, and basically just enjoy the fact that I don't have to wake up at 4:45am for the next 10 days.

Tonight we decorated the sugar cut-out cookies. I spent last Friday night rolling out the dough and cutting the shapes, so the irritating part was all finished. And tonight, we were able to just decorate. It was awesome. The oldest invited his girlfriend over (same one as mentioned this past June, btw...)and we decorated away.

It was nice doing it with the kids. We got a nice variety of decor. Some are traditional and some look like a 4 year old did them and some look like santa...


Some look like a pirate...



And...some look like an alien...



OH! I almost forgot...tomorrow, the little one and I are going to see The Nutcracker. I've already seen her ballet class's rendition of it this past weekend, though...



Happy Holidays, everyone!!

Thank you, universe.

I have a nail in the sidewall of my driver's side rear tire. I didn't know this from a flat tire, but because a concerned citizen at Target took the time in the cold, windy parking lot to write me a note and stick it in my windsheild wiper.

Thank you, unknown kind person, for your concern. You have probably saved me a disasterous drive to school and maybe even helped to protect my daughter as well. I wouldn't have looked at that tire and it could blow because of that nail.

My plans for the car tomorrow involved driving to school, taking my daughter to ballet and then home again. At no point was a trip to Tire Discounters on my mind and that tire could have blown at any time during those trips tomorrow.

I've called on a bunch of favors for tomorrow so that my family and I can keep our schedules of work, ballet, baseball weights, study tables, walking, etc... My best friend (he hates it when I call him that)is taking me to school and to Tire Discounters afterwards (at a time I dictate, mind you), my brother and sister-in-law are getting the car and taking it to Tire Discounters for me during the school day so that it's finished when I get dropped off. So...aside from the money I'll be out, and an extra errand after school, my day will barely be affected by this inconvenience.

It's funny...this entry started off as me wanting to bitch and vent about my misfortune...but once I got started putting my thoughts to words, I realized that I'm kinda lucky.

No one got hurt...I didn't wreck my car...I have a whole bunch of people in my life willing to help when I ask and need them so I can go about my day as I originally planned.

I'm really lucky. Kinda sad it took a nail in my tire for me to realize it.

My decision...

I'm gonna go gray.

I have very few gray hairs for my age. The ones I have aren't gray so much as white...and I kinda dig them. I think they're pretty, so they're gonna stay.

I'm not going to do anything to alter the color of my hair. I never have and I'm pretty sure I never will.

I'm a very vain person. I can tell you where every mirror is between my house and my classroom and I check my look in them regularly. I don't leave the house without wearing mascara...I wear colored contacts so my eyes look more blue...or green if it's that kind of a day...I don't like to go to the grocery on a Saturday morning without showering...all kinds of vanity in my world.

But the hair color...that's gonna go naturally.

My preference...

Oh god...my heart's all a-twitter. I know most people will tell you that a pitcher's duel is boring, but I disagree.

This year's post season has been won (and lost) by the pitchers. From the outstanding work of Halliday and Oswalt - admittedly agains The Reds, which sucked as a Red's fan, but you damn those boys owned us - to Wilson's inability to throw a single strike in San Francisco, I've enjoyed the hell out of watching the commanding performances of pitcher after pitcher.

Tonight is no exception...Lincecum and Lee are in complete and total control of the mound - both of them. We're into the 5th inning as I type this and Lincecum is already up to 6 strike outs. Lee is just behind him with 4...I love it.

Hell, I don't care if no one scores till it's after midnight...make those pansies at the plate work to get on base. Don't let them break your rhythm, boys...

This is some great stuff.

This Just In...

Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod...

Like I didn't already have enough issues with office supplies...like I wasn't already a whore for all things Sharpie...they had to go and make the pencil better...

Early reviews are in from the oldest (who inherited the office supply crave gene from his mother) and from me and...

THIS PENCIL ROCKS! Most fun I've ever had with a pencil...I'm going to use this pencil again and again...It was much better than CATS.

Thank you God of Sharpie...

Worst Food Ever!

It's Friday night at 9:45 and I'm home alone enjoying the comedy stylings of Jim Gaffigan while surfin' the net and eating some pretzels. I'm not going to eat all the pretzels because I promised I'd make the Take 5 brownies for the bake sale at Volley 4A Cause this Tuesday - wear pink, Vikings!

I've had a full day so the relaxing and eating of pretzels was earned in my opinion. I worked a full day, went to the grocery store for the family's week of food, emptied the dish washer, painted the faces of two junior high girlies with blue and white for homecoming spirit, walked my regular route, cleaned the downstairs bathroom, washed all the kitchen countertops with the antibacterial stuff, and mopped the kitchen, hall, foyer and bathroom. So yeah...I'm surfin' the net and eating pretzels - suck it.

Did you know Monica Bellucci is older than me?

But I digress.

So I'm watching Jim Gaffigan and he goes into his Hot Pockets routine and I get hungry. I go to the pantry to grab the pretzels and on the bottom shelf I see the worst food ever.

Candy Corn.

Why is it the worst ever? If you have to ask that, I can't talk to you anymore. It's waxy and pretty much tastes like straight Karo Corn Syrup. There are so many other things you can do with sugar and corn syrup, what the heck was the inventor of candy corn thinking?

I remember the first time I tasted the crap. It was Halloween and some evil soul in my neighbor hood had purchased smallish bags of about 20 candy corn to pass out to the little Batmen and Underdogs and Sweet Polly Purebreds...

After the little baggie had passed inspection and my mom declared it free from razor blades, straight pins and LSD I was excited to try it. It's pretty! I won't deny the attractiveness of the faux-food...it is very pretty. It was awful. It was the worst thing I had ever tasted. I did not finish the bag. I threw it away.

So...if it's so awful and I haven't eaten it since I was 6, why is there a bag of it in my pantry, you ask? Am I part of the American population who just buys crap because it's indicative of a holiday? Do I also buy fruitcake at Christmas? Pickled herring for New Year's? A King cake for the beginning of Lent? (okay, that last one is kinda tasty, the purple sugar is the best) No, I do not buy those things.

Ever.

The bag of candy corn on the bottom shelf of the pantry was purchased by my husband. It was purchased because the oldest gets extra credit if he brings a bag of candy to his French teacher. The husband went to Target for a few items on Sunday afternoon and "extra credit bag of candy" was on the list. This is what he brought home.

It's still on the bottom shelf of the pantry because the oldest knows damn well no one wants that crap and is probably afraid that his French teacher will deduct points from his grade if he brings it in.

She should. It's the worst candy ever.

Idiot

You really need to re-evaluate your train of thought if even Sarah Palin knows it's a bad idea....

Baby why don't we go?

...Per Chemguy's request and because I've got some time on my hands, here's an update on the botched vacation:
After a long weekend of searching, the husband of 20 years (tomorrow, in fact) found a different home for the families to rent for our vacation this year.

We are not in the original home, and yes, we've pressed charges on the crook who owes us money. We spent a Saturday on the phone getting to know the good people at the Monroe County Police Station and it looks like we might get our money back at some point. My sister, her husband, and her children are not with us - and I'm not sure we're on speaking terms, or if we ever will be again...but my mom and dad, my youngest sister and her two friends are here and we're in a home along the Marvin D. Adams waterway in Key. Largo. While it's not the beachfront, infinity pool we thought we'd have this week, we're making due.

We rented a boat the last two days and rode up and down the Keys. We went as far south as Islamorada and had a freaking blast. We saw dolphin, manatee and got to snorkel and fish and docked at a great little dive restaurant for lunch. We crossed from the bay into the Atlantic Ocean and docked at a sandbar and swam for about an hour.





It didn't suck...I can tell you that.

Today, my husband, my son and I took the boat we rented back to the marina and stopped at every bar along the water we could find.

That didn't suck either.

Ah...it looks like we're screwed.

Things look unbelievably bleak for the calencoriel clan vacation this year. We're scheduled to stay in Key Largo from July 24th - July 31st with my mom and dad, my two sisters and my niece and nephew.

Mom and dad sent the check for the remainder of the rental fee to the guy at the rental office last week via certified mail and according to the tracking number, the check never got there. Apparently the address on the contract they sent us in February was wrong, so the postal system is sending the check back to mom and dad. We've been trying to call the guy at the rental office since Wednesday to see what's up and he refuses to get back to my husband.

I called him this evening, you know, to put a woman's spin on things and I actually got a call back (twice). Here's what I found out:

a. When he didn't get our check by Saturday of last week, he rented out the unit we reserved to someone else
b. He's got all kinds of properties he can rent to us
c. He's trying to get things resolved
d. He'll call us tomorrow to let us know what he's been able to figure out
e. He had no idea we had 12 people in our party
f. I should have known something was up when he had the word elegance spelled wrong on the website.

Yeah...not very encouraging, is it?

So...we've googled him and it looks like he's got quite a reputation and it's looking like we're not going on vacation next week. It's also looking like we won't be getting our money back without litigation.

I'm not feeling very optimistic regarding what he's going to tell us tomorrow when he supposedly calls us back.

What do you think?

More Stupid...

What the hell...?


Seriously.

Stupidest Song on the Radio/Rant

I am a mom of a tween and a young teenager. I typically let them choose the radio station we listen to during our many travels because I like to stay hip, you know, for the kids. The new car has XM, so I'm getting to hear lots of new current stuff which is cool but it also forces me to listen to crap like this...

To answer your question, Hayley, Yes, you can pretend that all you want. Pretending that the lights from an airplane are shooting stars so that you can wish on them will make the wish come true just as quickly as if you wished on an actual shooting star.

Because wishing on a shooting star and that wish coming true is a COINCIDENCE.

So wish all you want. Wish on fireflies - they light up. Wish on the flashing lights of police car or bambulance for all I care, it's ALL PRETEND. Meanwhile, I'm going to wish you go back to Paramore and make more songs about stealing boyfriends and stuff like that.

That is all.

PS. Sorry Joey, I know you're kinda hot for her and all, but these lyrics are so stupid I had to say something.

wierdness

No pics here...just some words of release. No idea how to symbolize what I'm feeling with a photo...

I've got some serious anxiety right now...butterflies in the stomach...lots of uneasiness...and I think I know what's bugging me and if I put it out here and get it out of my head, I might feel a little better.

Serious wierdness 'round here and I've got to do something to get it off my chest or I'm gonna freak out.

The little ones are growing up big time and momma isn't dealing with it very well...at least not right now.

The oldest has a girlfriend and even though things haven't progressed beyond a hug good bye it's just another step in his growing up and away from me. I know I'm not always going to be the only woman in his life and I don't want to be...and who knows how long this little bit of puppy love will last, but for now, I'm sharing the kid a little.

She's a nice little thing, very talented and smart and wow - very pretty...plus, she laughed at most of my jokes while we all hung out today, so there's nothing wrong there, which is awesome. It's not like he's brought home some tattooed, drunken skank or anything. Besides, the kid told me last week before I met the girlfriend that I'd really like her - "because she's exactly like you, mom." Maybe I should refer to him as Oedipus in this forum from now on...

Anyway, back to me. Summer means lots of stuff to me, #1 being spending more time with my kids. I told them both recently that I really like them as people...and I do...I think if I knew these two and they weren't my kids, I'd still want to be friends with them.

My son is terrific for me. He's good for me to be around. He is grounded, calm and very seldomly is he anxious. He settles me when I'm freaked out about things without even knowing he's done so. This summer, my husband has been coaching my daughter's softball team and as a result, I've been on duty for the boy, pretty much exclusively. I get to ferry the boy back and forth to all of his baseball games and tournaments and camps and things so we're hanging out a bunch...and it's nice.

My daughter makes me feel important and needed. There are times when that little one is a cyclone of anxiety. Bizarrely, settling her down helps me settle down. Seeing that fault that we both share magnified in the little one helps me realize how I deal with my own issues and I think it helps us both.

So...they're growing up and becoming less and less dependent on me...and that's what I want. I guess I just don't want to watch it happen before my eyes in three short weeks of summer break. It's kind of incredible how much more I can see it when I'm not distracted by everyone else's kids...

Chemguy and I talk about our students who work with us on Pasta for Pennies and how we kind of look at them as if they have expiration dates sometimes..."Oh, so and so is a sophomore...we've got them for three campaigns" The oldest starts high school in the fall...his expiration date is set. I know how fast things will pass for him now. I've watched 5 groups of kids go from 9th - 12th grader and it passes in the blink of an eye.

I just want to put time on hold for a while...keep them here, as 12 and 14 year olds. I know I can't...all I can do is enjoy them as much as I possibly can in the next 4-6 years and try to keep pushing them toward independence. Hopefully, they'll want to come back and visit.

Hopefully, I won't smother them before they leave for college...and hopefully neither will be living in my basement after college.

It's a hell of an experiment...too many variables...not enough control...and I have no idea how to know if I've done it right. I probably should have written a more a testable question.

More on that later...for now, the butterflies are gone and I'm not freaking out about the kids right now.

Thanks. : )

Did I Miss Something?

Okay loyal readers...what's up with Ryan's outfits on The Office lately? I've been trying to figure out the whole dork thing he's got working, but it seems like he would have made those clothing decisions with some type of intent.

So...if anyone knows the dillio, I'd love to know.

Green Porno

Big Thanks to Liz from my 9th bell class for pointing these little clips from The Sundance channel out to me today.

Basically, you've got an accomplished actress who knows a thing or two about the courtship rituals of various species of animals. She is also more than willing to dress up like various species of animal and graphically re-enact these rituals so the images are crystallized in our brains...forever.

It's incredibly entertaining and educational.

But I'm pretty sure I won't be sharing these in my classroom. Technically PG rated stuff...no chili pepper warning or anything...but I don't know how comfortable I'd be showing these clips to a class full of 16 - 17 year olds.

Especially the salmon one...

Owner Loyalty

Allow me to introduce Hyundai number 5 for the Calen Clan. The newest edition comes to us as a result of the fact that mom's taxi service has caused the differential/transmission on the current model to just about quit and the cost to fix it sans warranty just didn't make as much sense as getting a new car. The original plan was to purchase a new car before summer ended anyway, so we just stepped things up a bit.

Anyhoo...the new ride is freaking SWEET!!! It's got keyless entry, push-button start - wierd, like driving a robot, hands-free phone - also wierd and the voice recognition isn't recognizing my voice just yet so I can't call you by saying your name yet, seat warmers in ALL FOUR SEATS, and the safety rating is one of the highest in its class. Check the Edmond's review.

I considered and test-drove three other models before choosing the 2011 Sonata: A Nissan Rogue, the Hyundai Tuscon, and the Hyundai Santa Fe. I hate driving in the snow and wanted 4 wheel or all wheel drive. Those models all felt like trucks, would have cost way more and got about 10-15 mpg less than the 2011 Sonata. And...the Sonata now comes with stability control and traction control and since I really only find myself in dangerous snow 2-3 times a year since I'm a school teacher, I didn't want to give up gas mileage for something I might not need...ever. Some of the reports I've read said that highway mileage can reach as much as 40 mpg and it's even got the thumbs up from the peeps at Greencar.com

The car I wanted wasn't available on the lot the day we signed the papers so we had to wait about a week to actually pick up the car. There were plenty of cars with the robot-like features I purchased on the lot the day we signed the loan, but I wanted a special color so much to my family's chagrin, I waited. Last night, the car finally made its way from the plant in Alabama to the dealership in my area and I picked up my car in the Black Plum Pearl with the camel interior. My car is the same color as a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon and I'm kinda excited to be driving it around.

Let me know if you want to go for a spin and I'll see if I can fit you into my already full taxi schedule...